And it’s okay if you disagree, unlike Hermione I won’t lock you in solitary confinement for a week, physically scar you for life or set birds on you to peck away at your skin.
“Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas to the dangers of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label of ‘crack-pot’ than the stigma of conformity. And on issues that seem important to you, stand up and be counted at any cost.” – Thomas J. Watson
Now, Hermione Granger started off as an annoying character. She was nerdy and awkward, but book one and two Hermione, despite this, was endearing. But from the commencement of Prisoner of Azkaban, she became progressively worse, becoming more toxic, entitled and, frankly, physically and emotionally abusive in each and every instalment since.
I am probably going to get hated for this, but I couldn’t give a flying fuck, and not especially when Hermione Granger does not at all deserved the revered status that she holds. If you’ve been following me for a while, then you know I am here to always deliver some home truths.
Why didn’t I relate to Hermione like others did despite being a bookworm? I didn’t have the opportunity to romanticise characters in my childhood, I had to see life and people as clearly as I could, so there was no way I could ignore Hermione’s flaws… and I wasn’t lonely, despite life’s hardships, I loved life and I loved being around people. As I have said before, I will choose people I love over books any day. In school, my close friends and I preferred other characters like Ron, Harry and Luna. I think I recall wearing a shirt with something to do with Luna Lovegood when I watched the films with my friends. Now, imagine my horror when I discovered the internet and realised that people… actually loved Hermione, nay, worshipped Hermione, and saw no faults despite there being plenty in abundance.
Now, I understand how easy it must be to romanticise a character when you are finally greeted with one that you can relate to. Introverted bookworms were able to find comfort in a character who, with J.K. Rowling’s help, was catapulted into superstardom for the very traits they shared with Hermione. But far too much so as it resulted in a blanket ban on anyone who disagreed with Hermione’s actions regardless of how clearly wrong they were. One could go so far as to call it a ‘rabid fandom.’ However, lately, I am seeing a shift in people’s perspectives. As people have grown out of who they were some no longer relate to Hermione as they used to. And others, thank God, are rightly outright calling out how much of a trash being Hermione Granger really was and, given the fact that Hermione Granger is the self-insert of the deeply problematic J.K. Rowling, remains so. So, therefore, I come here as a messenger to serve some tea and shine a light on the various ways that Hermione Granger is pure trash.
- Hermione Emotionally Abuses Ron in Prisoner of Azkaban
Hermione knows full well that Crookshanks attacked Ron to get at Scabbers. Crookshanks repeatedly seeks out Scabbers which results in Scabbers having to hide from Crookshanks. And, yet, knowing full well that this is causing both physical and emotional distress to Ron, Hermione continues to make excuses for Crookshanks. And, surprise, surprise, Scabbers turns out to be Peter Pettigrew and it is all neatly explained away, but it doesn’t change the fact that before finding out who Scabbers actually is, Hermione was perfectly fine to cause Ron emotional pain and I’m not granting her any excuses. And, in typical Hermione Granger fashion, she doesn’t apologise.
- Hermione Locks Journalist Rita Skeeter in a Jar, in Solitary Confinement, For a Week
Rita Skeeter invaded their privacy which is a criminal violation, and I’m not excusing this at all because it is illegal, but Hermione Granger locking a human being in solitary confinement for a week is not a proportional retaliation especially in the same book where she is advocating for better treatment and the freedom (including speech) of elves. A week. Goddamn, a whole bloody week.
- SPEW and the Case of Hermione Granger Thinking She Knows Best
Ron’s response was the rational one – which is not unbelievable as upon serious reflection he’s the most rational one of the three, fuck your book smarts, I’d rather be friends with someone who’s got common sense. Ron understood that elves have been abused and have not been granted their rights, but he also understands that Hogwarts affords elves with a healthy, respectful and satisfying working conditions and environment. Brightest witch of her age and she can’t recognise that the elves at Hogwarts are happy with the exception of Winky who I perfectly agree that she was right to advocate for.
- Hermione Beauty Shames Fleur Delacour
Hermione became seriously annoyed when boys at Hogwarts finds Fleur beautiful. Fleur is beautiful, naturally they would find her attractive! If you met Angelina Jolie before she was famous and without knowing anything about her, would you be completely baffled that people find her attractive? Were you not pleased to find that Krum found you attractive, but wait, because you spend time in the library is it only justified to like someone because… books? Bitch, Fleur is the Beauxbatons Triwizard champion. Fleur is the only one who caused the least mess in that first challenge by putting the dragon with a sleeping spell therefore not causing the dragon harm unlike the others who made a serious mess of it all. Boy, you must be out of your mind to think she is dumb. Now, I dislike Molly and Ginny for doing the same too, it was completely uncalled for, it’s not Fleur’s fault that you girls aren’t as pretty as her. But, et tu, Hermione? You, who thinks she’s Miss Mother Holier Than Thou?
- Hermione Permanently Scars Marietta For Life For Choosing Her Mother Over a Club
I remember when I read this scene and I was so disgusted and repulsed by Hermione. Pimples is nothing? That left scars that never fully healed, and Hermione shrunk her own teeth, so let’s not pretend that she doesn’t give a shit about physical appearances. And that’s her mother, yer dumb fuck, obviously she’s going to choose her own mother who brought her up, who most likely loves her more than anybody in the world, and you’re going to pull this dumb-fuckery? So-called “brightest witch of her age” but resorts to a punitive measure because why make a preventative measure, it is not like that is more humane! She didn’t even tell them that there are fucking rules to joining this club! No warning given whatsoever. Even Cho, our rational Ravenclaw, points this out.
This is the same book where Umbridge scars Harry. What does it matter if your ideals are different if your methods are the same?
Hermione is highly, highly fortunate that she is granted plot armour by her demon mother Rowling, who, by the by, shows no remorse… check out her taunting Marietta on Pottermore in the vein of snitches get stitches. Rowling excuses Hermione saying people would have joined anyway. No, they would not have, and it is still so very, painfully, obviously wrong to have people sign up for a club without telling them that there are terms and conditions! I would highly recommend Rowling taking three semesters of British Contract Law. And then again, she excuses Hermione saying that Marietta would have betrayed other people so it’s justifiable to scar her for life and that Marietta was basically useless for Dumbledore’s Army anyway. You, J.K. Rowling, I’m dragging you through the mud, are a sick fuck and a complete psycho.
If Hermione pulled this shit in a normal school, especially if she went to my school which is an all girls’ school in East London, this bitch would have got fully wrecked. How is that appropriate, how does that make me different to Hermione? It makes it different because it is self-defence which is legal. She is lucky Marietta is clearly sweet, because I can’t say the same for myself, I would have decked the living daylights out of Hermione if she physically scarred me for life.
And if that alone isn’t enough for you, you are a lost cause. I’m not applying this to younger readers, I know they will learn as they age, but if you’re above 18 and you think this shit is okay, for real, then move. Also, this scene is completely cut out from the films which is very telling, but book readers you guys do know what really happened and you’re on a mad one if you forgot something like that.
- In the Same Book, She is Completely Insensitive to Harry’s Trauma
She whisks Harry off from his date to interview for Rita Skeeter, without asking his permission or warning him, telling a traumatised Harry that he absolutely has to divulge what happened in that graveyard. Are you dumb? Brightest witch of her age but she couldn’t learn sensitivity if she took a lifetimes worth of semesters on it.
- Becoming Ever More Violent, Hermione Sets Canaries on Ron Because She Feels Entitled to Him
And this isn’t fucking lightly. The birds pecked away at his skin and Ron had to shield his face and it took a whole damn week for the scars to go away. If Ron had done this, would he have made it in the best female characters lists? Last I remembered, Hermione took the no. 2 spot right below Jane Eyre. As if! She couldn’t get anywhere near dear Jane who is infinitely superior to her! If Ron did this, would he still be your beloved favourite? No. He would be hated for life. So, why are you not applying this principle to Hermione which as we learn that she doesn’t learn from?
Consider the difference in reactions. Ron was jealous when Hermione attended the Yule Ball with Viktor Krum. Sure, he scowled and frowned and moaned a lot… but, it’s a human reaction, especially for a teen. Hermione, Miss Entitled of House My Way or the Highway, reacted to her jealousy with violence! Point out the difference to me and tell me who was more rational? I have so much respect for Ron now. I’m not even going to bother adding that Hermione didn’t communicate her feelings to Ron because none of it bloody matters. You don’t violently attack someone just because he kisses somebody else. And y’all are just glossing over this like it’s nothing? Like “yeah that was really bad, anyway moving on.” Boy, are you out of your damn mind? Pathetic. Or as George Knightley aptly puts it: “It’s better to be without wits than to apply them as you do.”
Again, it’s very telling that this scene is heavily changed in the films. But, some of us haven’t forgotten, Rowling, you spawn of Satan.
- AGAIN, Physically Attacks Ron in Deathly Hallows
Bitch ain’t learned shit. “I haven’t ruled out the canaries.” The fuck? The actual fuck? And it’s passed off like haha, so funny, what a joke. Ron is so scared of her that he goes on to just agree with everything Hermione says. Poor Ron. #freemyboyRon from this toxic relationship because let’s be honest, that marriage would be filled with physical threats from Hermione and even in the films she is casually just hitting her friends all the time. And this coming from a woman, Rowling, who has suffered from domestic violence herself. The sheer fucking irony and audacity.
Ron is funny as well, and Hermione Granger doesn’t have a single funny bone. She is the exact opposite, she’s a total nag! Like, really, you want to hang out with her? And we all know how they stole Ron’s moments and transferred them to Hermione instead because the director is ready to lick her arse as and when Hermione permits which she probably would because she loves subservience, doesn’t she? Ron deserved better than Hermione, for God’s sake, it is not the other way around. It’s very telling as well that this scene was modified in the films, so she was only hitting him with a bag. Again, some of us haven’t forgotten.
- Hermione Would Look Down on You if She Saw What Books You Were Reading
PSA: being a bookworm is not a personality trait. What is more telling of taste and character is the genre you read and the characters you support. Hermione reads purely non-fiction. She found children’s tales and myths to be silly. She prefers hard facts not fiction. BRO, she would look down on you. Maybe not me because I have an eclectic taste in books, but for the rest of you who are reading science fiction, fantasy and YA, she wouldn’t think highly of you. And that’s the reason you started loving her and yet she would look down on you. IRONIC. If you are to love a bookworm, how about Matilda? She reads fiction.
- Since When Did Being a Bookworm and Getting Good Grades Become the Barometer For Righteousness and Goodness?
Does this grant her license to commit such heinous acts? You don’t need good grades to know that it is your actions and your choices that reflect who you are and not your abilities and remember Dumbledore drilled this into you, so reflect.
Hermione Granger doesn’t deserve a space on any best female character’s list, Hermione Granger doesn’t deserve Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger does not deserve any passes for her gross misconduct. Nay, the only thing Hermione deserves is a cell in Azkaban because that girl is a criminal. And, worst of all? None of her crimes were anywhere near justifiable.
I don’t want to hear any shit about what Ginny did because Hermione’s actions were repeatedly far worse. I don’t condone Ginny Weasley hexing people just because they’re asking questions, that was seriously dumb and not at all heroic on her part. And y’all saying she hated Fleur and called her “phlegm” like Hermione wasn’t laughing and beauty shaming Fleur from the start. Y’all donny’s have some funny selective amnesia. Ginny wasn’t right for the crap she said to Ron either, but Ron was coming for her and it’s a human reaction to be angry. It’s not Ginny’s fault that she is popular and that characters find her funny, heck I struggle understanding sarcasm, but I found the banter she shared with Harry funny. Or you’re salty because Harry didn’t end up with Hermione because why not push him into what would be a very, ridiculously boring relationship like he hasn’t suffered all his life already. But, here’s the difference between Ginny and Hermione fans… we can call Ginny out on it, but all you have is lots of excuses for Hermione and her sociopathis actions instead of allowing her to take some responsibility which would actually help. Did you know that you can like a character and still disagree with their actions?
If you want to revere a smart character from the series who is genuinely good and a wholesome bean, have you considered Luna Lovegood? Luna is smart, she is open-minded, a superb Quidditch commentator, so wonderfully kind, and yeah, like Hermione she’s awkward, but Luna is so far from insensitive and violent. I have heard tale that Luna may be on the spectrum and she is the most humane of all the characters. And she’s an Aquarius and have you ever met a female Aquarius that you didn’t like? Oprah Winfrey is an Aquarius. Get you a fave like Luna Lovegood not a toxic one like Hermione Granger.
I have to be honest, I am deeply disappointed in female Gryffindorians that I don’t even feel like I can identify with my own house anymore. I hate to say that the male Gryffindors are infinitely better than their female counterparts. Although I tend to get Slytherin as my rising house and the last time I did one of those Buzzfeed quizzes I got Slytherin and Gryffindor as a tie, I don’t want to form a hybrid with Slytherin. Ravenclaw is such a mixed bag because while I like Ravenclaw characters like Cho and Luna, I feel as though real life Ravenclaw’s can be very different from one another. Some are smart, and some don’t tend to speak a lot of sense as you would expect a Ravenclaw to. Hufflepuff, dear Hufflepuff’s, truly are the sanest and most grounded. Therefore, I’m now a Hufflepuff and Gryffindor hybrid, a proud Griffinpuff.
By Sophia Ismaa, @sophia_ismaa
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What are your thoughts on Hermione Granger? Which character do you think deserves the ‘best in the series’ title instead? Let me know in the comments.
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