I know I have previously preached the importance of not being socially selective in a previous post, but there are exceptions to this rule. There are times when you need to throw away notions of diplomacy, patience and understanding and tell certain people to simply do one.
- The Whiny Baby, Greedy Baby Man-Child Who Just Won’t Stop Talking About Himself
He/she might just be a tad socially awkward, new to dating and relationships or just trying to impress you. That’s fine. When it is not fine is when he never listens to a word you say, his sentences always begin with I and he somehow manages to turn the conversation back to himself all the damn freaking time. In my experience, this person will never change. Once, I called out a guy who I was getting to know for doing this and he had the nerve to call me rude and coarse for basically standing up for myself. With a few of these kind of people, you could tell them how seriously depressed you are and they will reply with something along the lines of: I remember I was sad once in 4th grade or tell them a story with literal twists and turns and they will reply with: I almost tripped today, guess my shoe has no grip lol (this is an actual example) and then expect you to discuss their boring-ass and irrelevant incident. Hahahahaha, no.
You are the star of your life, do not play second-fiddle in your relationships. You deserve better than a guy who suffers from me, me, me syndrome who wants you to a) fawn over him and b) be his mother. You want a boyfriend/husband, not a son. Tell him #boybye.
- The Copy-Cat, Jealous Friend Who Won’t Stop Making Digs Disguised as Jokes
Of course, not all copy-cats are bad. There are some who genuinely mean it as a compliment and/or might be a tad insecure. Build those friends up. They’re not bad people, they’re just unsure of who they are.
What you need to watch out for is the friend who is not only a copy-cat but seriously jealous to the point it feels malicious. She is the one who’ll repeat embarrassing stories about you to a group of people to make herself feel better… repeatedly. If another person compliments you, she will throw a dig at you and laugh like it’s just a joke, because, boohoo, where is my compliment? She just cannot be happy for you because you might be stealing the limelight that she so desperately craves. So, to get that limelight, that you probably weren’t even looking for in the first place, she starts copying you on the sly. Veeeery slyly at that. She’ll throw a dig at you at you for your weight gain/weight loss and the next thing you know, she’ll do the same. Or it might be your hairstyle, hair colour or anything that you say you like. She’s on it.
If she’s jealously mean, ditch her and the friends you have in common who won’t believe it because they left their ability to think for themselves under her foot. If a girlfriend makes a spiteful comment about your weight, girls, you know that friendship is over.
- The Male Chauvinist Friend Who Believes That Women Who Get Whistled at Should Take It as A Compliment
He might also be the guy who repeatedly demands women should love, date and bed him because he is “nice” and will never understand that women do not owe him anything for treating them with dignity and respect, like, I don’t know, human beings?! He might even make rape jokes and justify rape. Unfortunately, these examples are true to life and I have heard one previous male friend adamantly claiming that Sansa Stark deserved to get raped and that every Asian boy would think so too. I checked with my cousin brother to see if there is any validity to this theory and he said: no, she definitely did not deserve to get raped and neither does any woman. Hurrah! Double Hurrah because he is only 18. Triple shame because the other guy is in his mid-twenties and educated to graduate level.
Ladies AND gentlemen, ditch that toxic-level waste out of your precious life.
- The Best Friend Who is No Longer Your Best Friend
I get it, it’s hard. You may have been friends for a long time and, perhaps, for over a decade or you’ve known each other since school. But the truth is that the effort is not there anymore. You know you’re no longer a priority even in a list of friends and they might not be a priority to you either. You might have worked at trying to mend it, but two people need to work at it and you can’t pull both loads. Anything less than best-friendship will feel more awkward than going to a party where you don’t know anyone. Cut it off and give it time to heal. And never doubt your self-worth because of this, don’t think: was I not worth it? The very fact that you’ve let it go shows that you recognise your worth. You will make new friends, be open and go in with the belief that you deserve a friend who truly cares.
Also, if your best friend becomes close friends with a person who has done you major wrong, has never apologised and never will, then she wasn’t loyal to you in the first place. Would Monica seek a friendship with Paolo? Hell, no.
- The Friend Who Never Tells You What’s Wrong
I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of this in the past or in our youth. Sometimes you’re afraid of rocking the boat or you just haven’t found your voice yet. But once in adulthood, and I’ll be fair and say that once you’re past twenty, this behaviour should no longer be present in our lives. Of course, some things are not worth kicking up a fuss about and you might have bigger fish to fry so the desired effect should be to live and let live (… too many idioms?).
I’m talking about the people in life who endlessly complain about everything someone has done wrong to them and then you advise them to speak to the person like a mature adult and what happens? It’s a no from them. And it’s a no from them always. If you see your friend do this, the chances are that eventually they’ll do the same thing to you until one day they completely cut you out of their life and you just might never know why.
It’s up to you if you want to confront them but if they really did value your friendship, they would tell you what’s wrong. To tell your friend what is wrong is to care enough to make the friendship work. The bottom-line is that they simply do not care enough about you.
- The Friend Who Always Thinks Their Problems and Achievements Are Bigger and Badder Than Yours
It’s not a competition so just stop. This is not America’s Next Top Problem. “You died? But, I died yesterday.” “You got 94% on that test? Well, I got 94.5%.” Shut up, shut up, shut up! Can we just not hear each other out, sympathise and advice? It’s literally not that hard! Can we not celebrate both our achievements and empower each other?
How insecure do you have to be to constantly compete? How self-obsessed do you have to be to think that your problem is the worst? Especially when it clearly isn’t. Look, I am all for comforting people but when they start comparing their problems to others and if their problems aren’t that bad in comparison, I will not hesitate to call you out on it. And if you don’t see the error of your ways, then sayonara and good-bloody-riddance.
It hurts to say that I have seen women who have been a victim to sexual violence and then see certain people say that they have it worse because of that one time their brother shouted at them. Tragic. You’re tragic. It’s only way worse because it is happening to you and that is also the only thing that you can see in life: what is happening to you. For God’s sake, develop some empathy. You will have a more rewarding life. I’ve also noticed a trend where it is usually people who feel like they’re not socially adequate who say these things. But screw it, it’s not your social inadequacy, it is your selfish heart. That’s what’s stopping you from making friends too.
Ditch that barely-has-a-heart person.
- The Friend Who Preaches Feminism but Is A Bystander to Crime
Yes, that took an extreme turn, but this is the most important one and I’ve seen this happen twice (by the same person). I’m talking about the friend who has a monologue on girl-power and the importance of female friendships prepared every time the clique meets but when a female friend has been a victim of sexual/non-sexual violence, she is nowhere to be seen. Her generosity has disappeared, her oft-repeated words have dissolved into a meaningless pit of ashes and the friendship has been revoked as if it never existed.
This is the worst type of friend to have. She is not a friend to you or to anyone. She is a friend to convenience, good times and good times only. Sadly, this is what I have seen some girls in the Asian Muslim community do. And I saw one who had the audacity to study Family Law in our university, whilst persisting in the belief that she had not done a single wrong, and I wanted to scream at her to STEP AWAY FROM THE CHILDREN (and from society).
Ladies and gentlemen, do yourself a favour, and step away a million miles from them. If and when we land on Mars, we’ll drop them off and leave them there.
And that’s it folks. Let me know if you agree with the list, which of these types of people you’ve had the misfortune to know, and who else would make it onto your ditch list?
Check yourself too, sometimes we are the toxic ones and that can be redeemable if you know your mistakes and work on it.
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